Sex World Records - Men Versus Women Humor - Marriage Relationship Jokes
Hey there! Welcome to our Comedy Central pages, a virtual paragon source of laughter generating jokes and online dating related humor that will keep you amused for hours! Hey, the world needs more smiles an we just try and do our share! No freaky side pop banners or cookie placing pop under ads to obstruct your way, just tons of funny content that might also teach you a thing or two! We hope you enjoy your silly self!
Quick Fact: What's the number one quality women look for in a man? Sense of humor, of course!
Welcome, to our quickly growing sex for dummies online archive of various
jokes, parody articles and humor about the singles life, married couples, dating on the Internet and
relationships in general. For entertainment
purposes only and should only be used for research purposes ae we are constantly editing with the
changing times. We never use pop up ads
or sneaky gimmicks, and you're totally anonymous to us!
Our Adult Humor pages contain content that is not suitable for younger
children. You
must 18 years of age or older to continue, and we appreciate your cooperation.
With hopes of putting a grin on your face, we wish you a most wonderful experience!
humor jokes home
Humorous anctedotes to take the edge of our stressful
lives!
A lady swallowed a super
Gillette razor blade and her doctor discovered that not only had she given
herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy and a hysterectomy, but she also
had castrated her husband, circumcised her lover, taken two fingers off a
casual acquaintance, given a vicar a hair lip -- and there were still 5
shaves left!
There were two old ladies at a dance. One says,
"Do you remember the minuet?"
The other replies, "I can't
even remember the ones I screwed."
Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the
homeowner had to call an electrician, a roofer, a plasterer, and a carpenter. One
afternoon he returned early from work and saw a plumber's truck in the driveway.
"Lord," he pleaded, "Please let her be having an
affair."
Scott finally got his girlfriend into bed, and
things were going hot and heavy. "Slow down, baby," she said. "Foreplay is an art."
"You better get your canvas
ready soon," he panted, "because I'm about to spill my paint!"
A guy goes running into a sex shop to return his
blow-up doll. He says to the owner, "Excuse me, but I blew this doll up last night
and straight away she went down on me. I want my $50 back."
The owner says, "Hell, if
I'd have known she was going to do that, I'd have charged you $75!"
A guy and a girl are having sex
when they both say that they are hungry and thirsty. It was freezing in the house so they
have an argument over who should go get the food and drink. After a while they decide to
have a contest. Whoever can come up with the best poem would be the one to stay in bed.
They both think for a while when
the guy says, "Okay, I got one. Two times two is four plus five is nine, I can pee in
yours but you can't pee in mine."
So she thinks for a minute
and says, "Okay two times two is four plus five is nine, I know the length
of yours but you'll never know the depth of mine."
A guy was on his first date with a
notoriously loose girl. She was immediately receptive to his foreplay after they parked.
The petting increased and he put his hand in her panties. She seemed to be enjoying his
progress, but suddenly objected, "Ouch! That ring is hurting me!"
"That's no ring! That's my
wristwatch."
The two East Coast hookers decided
to move to the West Coast and while driving through New Mexico they stopped at a little
general store. Well, low and behold there were two older Indian women siting on the front
porch and the four women started up a conversation.
The one older Indian woman said,
"Well I'm a Navajo and she is an Arapaho."
One of the East Coast hookers said, "No Shit, Well,
I'm a New York Ho and she is a Chicago Ho."
Over drinks one afternoon a buddy
of mine and I were discussing former "loves." I told him that I once broke-up
with a girl long ago because she had a seemingly incurable speech impediment.
George said, "Jimmy, I'm shocked. I never know
you to be one to be prejudiced against handicaps. What was the girl's problem?"
Taking a sip, I paused
and reflected. "She couldn't say 'yes'."
This guy has a crush on a
girl at his work. He is dying to ask her out on a date, but every time he sees her he gets
the biggest erection ever. There is nothing he can do to control it. After some time, he
decides to get her phone number and call her up. This way he won't have to see her and he
won't get too excited. He ends up asking her out and she says yes.
He figures what he'll do is tie his
penis to his leg so when he sees her it'll be tied to his leg and she'll never notice it.
He gets to her house. When he knocks on her door, she answers the door in a sheer teddy.
He kicks her in the face!
An ode to the cut
that never heals.
The more you touch it
the better it feels.
You can rub it and
scrub it
and brush it like hell.
But you will never get rid
of that damn cod fish
smell.
A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn't
know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, "Has anybody got the
cock?" All the men stood up.
"No! no! I mean has anybody seen the
cock?" All the women folk stood up.
"No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the
nuns stood up.
You know you've had a good
blow job when...
1) You have to pull the sheets out of your butt
when she is done.
2) Your pecker has the dry heaves for three days
afterward.
3) The head
of your pecker is twice the size of your balls.
Three hungry Korean guys walk into a restaurant and
sit down. One of them reads a sign, translates to the others, and then they whip down
their pants and all start to whack off furiously.
The waitress comes up and asks, "What the hell
are you perverts doing?"
They reply, "The sign said, first come first
served!!"
Two sweet old ladies were
sitting in the park one afternoon, feeding the birds, when a big burly guy walked up, and
sat down beside them on the bench. After a minute, one of the old lady's whispered to the
other. "Martha, this dirty bugger is masturbating right next to me!"
"Oh my lord! Well, let's just leave,
Agnes," her friend replied with disgust.
"I can't," said the other.
"He's using my hand."
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